press anything to skip, or just wait, the ape isn't going anywhere










  
  

    

      
      APEBULLSHITTERMINAL
    

    
    
  


  
  

    

    

    

      
TERMINAL STATUS: ONLINE

      
$APEBULLSHIT

      
A monkey found a broken bull statue. He duct-taped a phone to it.

        Now it "trades." Nobody can explain the green candles.

        The algorithm is bullshit. The chart doesn't care.


      

        CONTRACT (CA):
        NOT MINTED YET — TERMINAL AWAITING DEPLOYMENT
        
      


      

        BUY $APEBULLSHIT
        VIEW CHART
        X / TWITTER
        TELEGRAM
      

      
links are placeholders until Oleh flips the switch. don't ape into a "#" link, ape.

    

  


  
  

    

      // LOG_ENTRY_001
      
THE ALGORITHM

    

    

      

        

          Cyborg bull carrying a small ape trader, glowing red eye, holding a phone with trading charts
          

          
LIVE FEED: UNIT "BULLSHIT-01" · UPTIME 420d 69h

        

      

      

        
> The bull isn't AI. It's a busted arcade horse with a $6 motor, two bike-light horns, and one blinking Christmas bulb for an eye.

        
> The monkey isn't a quant. He found a phone in a couch and now he "monitors the desk" by watching TikToks about candles.

        
> Nobody has explained why the chart keeps going up. Several theories exist. All of them are wrong. The chart does not care.

        
> This is not financial advice. This is not even good advice. This is a monkey on a fake robot bull believing in something, on purpose, loudly.

        

          AI CONFIDENCE LEVEL
          

          420%
        

      

    

  


  
  

    

      // LOG_ENTRY_002
      
DESK MONITOR

      no contract minted — showing simulated desk readout. real CA plugs into DexScreener automatically (see script.js CONFIG).
    


    

      

        

          $APEBULLSHIT / USD
          ▲ up, obviously
        

        
      


      

        

          PRICE
          $0.0000000‑ish
        

        

          MARKET CAP
          TBD
        

        

          HOLDERS
          TBD
        

        

          COPIUM LEVEL
          MAXIMUM
        

        

          HOLDER SENTIMENT
          MOON-PILLED
        

        

          DIAMOND HANDS DETECTED
          1
        

      

    

  


  
  

    

      // LOG_ENTRY_003
      
TOKENOMICS.TXT

    

    

      
$ cat tokenomics.txt

      
TICKER ................ $APEBULLSHIT

      
SUPPLY ................ 1,000,000,000 (fixed, no re-supply, no rugs, we promise nothing but this)

      
TAX ................... 0% BUY / 0% SELL

      
LIQUIDITY ............. LOCKED

      
CONTRACT .............. RENOUNCED

      
TEAM ALLOCATION ....... 0% (the ape spent his bag on horns for the bull)

      
CHAIN ................. TBD AT LAUNCH

      
$ _

    

  


  
  

    

      // LOG_ENTRY_004
      
EXECUTE_BUY.SH

    

    

      

        01
        $ connect_wallet --type phantom|metamask
        
Get a wallet. Put money you can lose into it. This is step one for a reason.

      

      

        02
        $ swap USDC → $APEBULLSHIT
        
Use the BUY button above once it's live. The bull does not accept cash.

      

      

        03
        $ hodl --diamond-hands --ignore-fud
        
Do not read the candles. The candles do not want to be read.

      

      

        04
        $ echo "gm" >> community_chat.log
        
Say gm. Post the bull. Repeat forever.